Scholarship essay examples can be hard to find, and errors even harder. Look at these two for essay samples with errors to judge yours, and how to improve.
Reading a good essay can give you ideas, directions to go that will help you know what wins. Reading terrible essays with errors and corrections will help you to see the flaws in your own writing. And it only takes a few minutes...
It’s a passion, really. Just kidding. I have a list of scholarship essay sample sources that have won the Fulbright, the Harry S. Truman, R.C. Easley, and other prestigious and mundane scholarships. But how often does someone tell you yours stinks?
To help you figure that out, I have a list of things you should do to improve your writing a college scholarship essay , and I have written these awful scholarship essay examples. Read them, see that you avoid the errors explained after the essays, and you can write better.
Topic: Why should you receive the Jillion Dollar National Aerospace Super Achiever Award in Aviation and Altitude Aspirations for All Americans (NASAAAAAAA) this year? Provide details from your life.
My personal and educational endeavors and extracurricular involvements, ie, my curriculum vitae, allow me a bird’s eye view of the paradigm provided by the NASAAAAA committee in their statement of mission. I have considerable desire to carry the work I have begun, my ouvre, to higher heights on the wings that higher education offers. My joie d’vivre will effuse my contribution throughout the whole university, and aid the toiling professorial ranks to ascend the slope of professional contributorial scribehood bringing the lather of praise and laudation on the university itself.
Surprise - this is a thesaurized essay and paragraph. Many scholarship and application reviewers complain that too many of you applicants try to impress with big words. So read on, they get pretty big, and pretty unintelligible.
You can find one of my favorite errors here, the wrong acronym – not enough A’s. Also, curriculum vitae, ouvre, and so on. Too many foreign words, it looks like you are showing off.
Why limit yourself to foreign vocabulary. Did you notice the made up words, too - contributorial scribehood?
Weird metaphors: bringing the lather of praise and laudation not to mention you are talking down to the toiling professorial ranks!
As a supreme example of genuine educational achievement, I surpassed the mark and nearly earned extra credit on my college entrance exams, while setting a speed record at the same time. My gray matter may soon be enshrined and chiseled out of rock to show my greatness, and my condescension in accepting the jillion dollar NASSSSSAA prize. One day, I expect to cure cancer, all varieties, win the lottery, and become the heir apparent to Palpitiens’s throne, Emperor of the Galactic Empire. I see no end to the good I can do once I have control of the universe.
Okay, I’ve gone over the top. This is an error. Even if you were Cheer Team Captain, Football Team Captain, Girl’s Softball Team Captain, Prom Queen, Student Body President, and a Nobel prize winner, tread lightly. You want to toot your own horn, not balloon your own head. Talk about your achievements and hopes, but don’t come off as a blow hard.
And don’t misspell Emperor Palpatine’s name! Really, don’t misspell anything, like the acronym of the scholarship organization, again.
My experiences while in academic pursuits during the intraequinoxial lunar cycles included the discovery of the ancient Babylonian rites of astral projection, invisibility through continued cerebral conditioning, and random numerical procession of statistical prediction and probability functions had a profound affect on my personal mission statement possibilities, while also being very emotional for me due to incorrect translation or transcription and provided the involuntary rescission of my abstraction and cogitation of late denarian and vicenarian retirement, due to budgetary impoundment combined with extenuating leverage, though I did learn something in the process, and did revise the standard astrology chart at the same time. My version will soon go before the International Association of Astrology Practitioners and Professionals for official IAAPP adoption worldwide.
Wow! Put your hip boots on, it is getting deep in here. What does this even mean, right? Took me a couple of dictionaries to write it – I’ll rewrite it below. Again, no need to overuse word variations. Denarian?
At over 100 words, the first sentence doesn’t deserve to live: Run-on. And if you read it closely, the sentence doesn’t even make sense.
While on study abroad last summer, I discovered ancient Babylonian records. The records included instructions on how to leave your body, become invisible, and predict lottery numbers. Such information affected me, and I have since reconsidered my goals. Also, it turns out that the lottery information was flawed, either when written or when translated. I had to stop buying lottery tickets because I had run out of money and maxed out my credit cards. My studies did produce valuable findings, though. I have even proposed changes to the standard astrology charts currently in use by the International Association of Astrology Practitioners and Professionals (IAAPP).
Isn’t that easier to read and understand? And not very interesting in a scholarship essay example, either.
By the way, I wrote “later denarian and vicenarian disoccupation” to mean retiring when you are a late teen or in your twenties. Never use that phrase if you want to win a scholarship!
My accomplishments evidence an aptitude to excel in technological and archeological pursuits inherent to the interstitial inspiration of institutional progress. As I achieve my goals, I will lift all of society to greater heights, upon my clavicle, deltoid, and trapezius muscles, my coup d’gra.
I hope you get the idea. Too much bragging won’t get you the scholarship. Too much vocabulary, thesaurizing and you can’t be understood. Let your essay flow, and tell about yourself. The committee wants to know, but avoid being grandiose and self-important. Those proofreaders I suggested can really help here, as well as reading other essays. Speaking of which, read another scholarship essay example with grammar, word choice, and lots of punctuation errors. See how many you can find.
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Last, you can download a free ebook on grants and scholarships to help you get started looking for more money for college. You can put those essay writing skills to work.
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