Need a scholarship essay example? Look here for what to avoid in your writing and how to correct those nagging little mistakes. This terrible scholarship essay example will run through several of the most common mistakes and how to correct them. I’ll cover the basics: grammar, word use and spelling, not content. The content I’ll use will be farcical – to help make the problems stand out.
Topic: Why do you want to study in Never Never Land?
As a child, I spent many summers in a land far, far away and enjoyed my expericenes there with my grandfather and grandmother in the castle. Its been many years, and since than I have studied geography as a profession. Now, as a personnel choice, I’d like to, thru serious study of Never Never Land, extensive reading of local authors, interviews with forest fairies, and observations of the lost boys, further my education
My studies have included an internship in the land of Honnalee, where I also volunteered to work helping refugees fleeing the devastation caused by the dragon. I spent 3 hours weekly working at there shelter, providing assistance in locating they’re family members. I found this work edifying. I helped people, and learned about the indigenous population and the surrounding land. I consider the time I spent living by the sea some of my most valuable.
In addition, to my volunteer work, with the Honnalee Oceanside Temporary Dragon Operation Growth for Refugee Location Assistance (or HOTDOG-RLA), me and my roommate, spent every Saturday, working, at the soup kitchen. And boy, do they cook good, literally! I’m sure your going to love it.
Geography offers many avenues for education, and has many other fields that imbue it with more value that geography is about. The understanding of what makes up a locale is what geography education is for. By utilizing local manuscripts, tribal information, and long term study, prudent land managers can assess the best direction to guide a country into. The fruits or benefits of good geography education provide a foundation for all to grow with. In reality, a strong education in this subject can lift all other subject that touch it or come nearby to.
There are so many I could come up with. For example, mathematics. By studying geography, one must understand scaling, altitude, longitude and latitude. Learning about geography will definatley effect you’re other subjects.
In conclusion and to wrap up, finally I have a strong interest in becoming a professional in the real world of geography. I plans to work in cartography and archeological geography. My first specific aim will be to reunite my friend Smee with his long lost family and fortune, which is being held in an escrow account. He only need a small sum of money to release the millions held there on his behalf according to his email. I also plan to write a book tracing the voyages of Captain Hook in Never Never Land.
At present, I will not complete my second goal without this scholarship and the opportunity to, and I hope it will be awarded to me for the coming school year in order to begin my research and start writing, come to Never Never Land for the study of geography at Hana Mana Ganda University at the Mermaids Lagoon Campus, through the Snow White Memorial Scholarship Fund. But most importantly, it means Smee can finally find his family, and that the world will never, never forget Captain Hook and his contribution to watch winding technology and alligator rescue.
1. Experience is misspelled.
2. Its should be it’s as a contraction of it is or it has. Its is possessive.
3. Incorrect word choice – should be personal, not personnel.
4. Don’t abbreviate words or use slang. This should read through.
5. Split infinitive. The infinitive to further is separated by several words (starts with I’d like to). You should not split infinitives. Anywhere that you say to, you may have a verb after it. Keep infinitives together to avoid this problem.
6. There is the wrong word. Should be their, meaning they possess the shelter.
7. They’re doesn’t match. Should be possessive, as in 7, their family members.
8. Too, many, commas, for, this, sentence! (You can also leave out the long acronyms, too.)
9. Me is the wrong word. Should be I spent every Saturday.
10. Good is wrong in this usage. Should read they cook well. Well is for verbs, good is for nouns, as in good cooking.
11. Literally has little value in any sentence. Also, you and I both should use the word “that” less often.
12. Your is the wrong word. Should be you’re, as in “you are going to love it.”
13. All of these sentences end in a preposition. Not a good idea, especially if you do it often. Rewrite to fix this. Sometimes, you can’t help ending with a preposition. Once in a while isn’t a big deal in most cases, and you can usually rewrite the sentence when it does happen.
14. This sentence is a fragment. Use complete sentences. This sentence could just be left out.
15. Definitely is misspelled. I see this word misspelled constantly.
16. Effect is the wrong word. Should affect as the verb, effect as the noun.
17. You’re should be your, possessive.
18. All of these are cliché endings – do not use clichés!
19. The subject, he, and the verb, need, do not agree. Should say “he only needs”.
20. Not really an error, just funny to see an email scam in a scholarship essay example.
21. Split infinitive again, to come split by phrase starting with and I hope it…
22. Mermaids: mistake with apostrophe. Should be Mermaids’ Lagoon, meaning it belongs to mermaids.
23. Snow White doesn’t fit. Don’t make this mistake. If you ever refer to the scholarship by name, make sure you have the right name. Should be Tiger Lily Memorial Scholarship Fund. This is especially a problem when you apply to multiple scholarships and use the same essay.
I hope you have enjoyed and learned some things to look for. Or, I hope you have learned some things for which to look. (As I said in #13, sometimes you don’t need to change it.)
And if you need more samples of good essays, look at my scholarship essay sample page. And to find more places to apply, download my grant ebook and find more places to look for a grant or a scholarship.
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